In his book, It's All About The Butterflies, Jim uses an analogy to compare the life of a child thru adulthood to that of a butterfly. It starts with an egg and moves on to the caterpillar stage where children crawl and frolic freely throughout their single digit life without a care in the world. Around age ten or eleven though they enter the pupa stage. Youngsters become much more inquisitive and more interested in the world around them. They ask a lot of questions soaking it all in. This is a stage in their lives where they can be easily influenced, both positively and negatively. During this period pupas are collecting and processing what will become the values and principles which will establish their moral compass for life. About age thirteen or fourteen the pupa begins to develop into a butterfly. They evaluate all they have learned, discard mistruths, firm up their moral compass and prepare to take on the world. This metamorphosis can take several years. The youngster emerges from their cocoon a free-thinking young adult ready to make their own decisions and accept the consequences of their actions.
Children are constantly receiving input to their mental hard drives almost from birth. Hopefully, that continues into adulthood by learning something new every day. But it's not until youngsters evolve into pupas at age ten or eleven that they start to put everything together and connect the puzzle pieces. When children are in their single digits, they are taught to be respectful, honest, fair, etc. All are good traits. But generally, they try to do those things because mom or dad or their teacher told them to - basically to please others. When they reach double digits though, they begin to evaluate and question things more intently. They determine what values and principles, some of which may conflict with things they see around them every day, are going to guide them through life and develop what will become their moral compass. During this period a youngster can be very easily influenced. They listen to everything and take it all in. If there are no good mentors in their lives to answer their many questions and quandaries, they will seek counsel from other less desirable sources. Don't let this happen.
A recent study conducted in Iceland determined that up to 30% of a person's DNA can be derived from nurture, not nature. The study focused on academic achievement but can be applied to all aspects of life. What it says is that the environment and influences someone grows up in and around can alter their DNA and change the outcome. That's important to understand for parent mentors and all good mentors. Despite not having all the advantages that life may offer, it may be possible for a youngster to be reprogrammed so to speak during their formative pupa years and beyond, primarily through good mentoring.
Good mentors; coaches, teachers, and instructors are always on the lookout for kids who may need some extra help – those who may require one on one mentoring. We hate to use labels, but we call them at-risk kids who deal with situations that are no fault of their own. Sometimes they cry out for help without moving their lips. Or, not realize the impact a lack of good mentoring may have on their futures. A parent may not know where to find assistance, may not recognize the seriousness of the issue or may just not care. To some this is unconscionable, but it doesn't change the urgent need.
Some of these kids may require more than a once a month meeting with a counselor whom they may not even trust. They might need a good mentor who will be there for them every day until they can stand on their own. A good mentor who will never give up on them… especially important during a youngster’s pupa years, age ten to fourteen, and beyond. That's the only chance some of these kids will ever have in finding their moral compass and setting it on a positive course.
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Should these kids fall through the cracks during their pupa years, they may never recover and potentially become burdens rather than good citizens of the world. They may never get a chance to realize their dreams. That's unfair to them and not good for anyone.
Mentoring those of any age is a rewarding and fulfilling experience. However, mentoring youngsters, particularly those in their formative pupa years, is especially important. The knowledge, wisdom, and advice imparted to them by their mentors will help shape their character, establish their values and guiding principles and set their moral compass on a positive life path. That's something every child in the world is entitled to and deserves.
If you’re the parent of an emerging pupa, maybe there’s a less fortunate youngster in your neighborhood who needs a good mentor. Invite them into your world to share some amazing experiences along with your own child. Involve them in other extracurricular activities with your kid who will learn empathy in the process. It may cost a few extra dollars at the ballpark for hotdogs and sodas, but consider the benefit of changing a youngster’s future and potentially altering their DNA. If you don’t have children, or you’re a parent or grandparent of youngsters who have already become butterflies and gone off to pursue their higher education, you might want to consider becoming a mentor to an individual, group, team or club. Share your wisdom with others. It's deserving of your consideration.